Life and Death

This year has been a doozy! There have been multiple incidences that have made me reflect about this life and how fragile it is, and on the other hand, how beautiful and miraculous it is. First off, my brother in law was diagnosed with Leukemia just a few days after Christmas. A friend of my brother's passed away suddenly in January, and also my oldest brother was blessed with a child whom they have been trying to adopt for years.

My family got very sick with everything, and I even got a really bad case of he stomach flu when I was 8 months pregnant, and thought I was going to die. :) Then Mckenna was born, which always proves to me that life is miraculous! Then shortly after, Tyler was hospitalized with heart complications. Luckily it is nothing to worry about, but it sure made me realize how my life would be over if his ended. My grandpa has had ups and downs, but for the most part is bed ridden and it's only a matter of time for him.

A couple of months ago a friend from Tyler's work lost her nephew at a family reunion. He had jumped into the deep end and in a split second was gone. Then just yesterday, I read a friend of mine's blog whose toddler jumped into their spa and she found him floating, unresponsive. She gave him CPR, and through prayers of many people, he survived.

Now, back to my brother in law. He has been battling the disease full force now all year. He was given a bone marrow transplant, which is basically the only cure. That was a few months ago. His body is very weak from all the chemo treatments. He throws up almost every day. He looks like a 14 year old bald anorexic. And now, we just found out the transplant didn't work. He is now looking ahead to more chemo, and who knows what else. All we know is doctors are giving him a 10% chance of survival.

So, with all these events, I can't help to feel that something is preparing me for one big event. One that will shake me to the core. One that if I hadn't been thinking so much about life and death, I might not come out of. I don't know when, how, who. But I feel like something will happen, and I will be ready. I know that our lives and the lives of our families are only borrowed to us for a little while on this earth. Heavenly father blesses us with special people in our lives, but he decides when he needs his children back with him. We really don't have much say in the matter. But he will not take someone we love without giving us peace. We only need to ask and he will bring it. If we are willing to accept that every life belongs to him, we can then focus on making our relationships better. I want to treasure every moment I have with each of my kids, because I know they are special spirits, and I know Heavenly Father must miss them, and could take them back at any time. I know that because we are sealed together here on Earth, we will be together for eternity. If someone I love leaves me in this life, I know it's only for a short time.

So here's to hoping I'm wrong, but preparing for the worst. I will do my best to treasure each special person in my life and forget about miniscule worries and distractions. I will stop being so negative about things that don't really matter. Life is to have joy, and joy cannot be found if we are always looking at what we don't have, who said something that offended us, how big my waistline has become, how messy the house is, etc. I will live life without wishing it were different!